I could feel it in every fiber of my being yesterday. I knew that today was going to be a turning point. A game changer. I walked around with this feeling of hope and anticipation for today. I did not know how or when or what but I knew that today was going to be one of the first days where I was in the rest of my life.
Last year was a year of change for me. My life as I knew it had transformed in the direction that I knew it needed to go. I changed the way I nourished my mind, body and spirit. I changed the way I viewed life by getting in touch with the core of my being. I ventured out in this new world for me alone and single. Ready and willing to see what it was that I was meant to be and do. I simply changed and I feel as though I am more myself than I have ever been.
The difference though between yesterday and the day before is that I was still a little unsure of myself ever so slightly. I was happy, centered, strong but once in a while I would have doubt in my ability to find my way. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I thought but a little bit of uncertainty crept in with regards of how I was going to get through my journey. My choices last year lead to loneliness and sadness at times. As liberated as I was to find my path, there was always a part of me that feared. The most sacred and private dreams of my heart each day were whispering to me what I wanted and where I hoped to go. I was just so unsure as to how I was to get there.
This new chapter in my life is so new to me. To be in my thirties and starting fresh in the things that I had only known and experienced in my early twenties felt alien to me. It is not like riding a bike. Actually, whoever came up with that phrase has never actually gone a long period of time without riding a bike because let me tell you..I bought a bike 2 years ago and after not have riding one in over a decade I can assure you that Lance Armstrong I was not. I could not remember how to ride it and once I kinda began remembering I was so terrible that I am sure a 2nd grader missing a leg could have shown me up.
Things change. So when you try to go back in to things that you once did before when you were a different person and in a different stage in your life it does not fit and feel the same. I would not want it to. So, I learn. I learn something new about myself every day. I learn something new about other people every day. I make mistakes. I get defeated and then I get stronger.
I know more about myself than I ever knew before. I learn from trial and error. I learn from humility in knowing my strengths and my weaknesses and most importantly, I learn from being myself and being okay with myself. If we knew all the answers, what fun would the journey be?
So today, I woke up..feeling closer. My mind was strong and confident and more ready to take on this new journey in my life than ever. Today was a game changing day for me. I can do this. I can dare to dream and do it without reservation or question. I am one step closer to being the me that I was intended to be.
Nothing has been more rewarding than the decision last year to be true to myself. Be the best person I can be to others and to myself. I still have so much to learn and I hope that never changes. I hope I am always humble enough to continue learning and growing. As for now, today is a celebration. Small and yet so large. Today was a spiritual game changer.