Tuesday, October 25, 2011

More Each Day.

Never be ashamed of learning, never be ashamed of mistakes and most importantly..never be ashamed of yourself. Being human is kind of beautiful. It is this fun, exciting, sometimes boring, dramatic, clueless, sad, lonely, hurtful, amazing thing.

Look back at your life..think of situations in friendships, relationships, career, community that if given a chance you would do over again. Now there, there it is..that nagging in your stomach of disappointment in yourself and coulda-woulda-shouldas. Now, set that aside..what did you learn? Really take a moment with it. Now, reach out if you can..be humble and admit your falter. Finally, let it go. Smile because you learned something new about yourself and the world you live in.

As we live, we must be open to learning, to loving others and most of all ourselves. Only then can we grow and make a difference in enriching our lives and the lives around us. I have a journey before me but then again, don't we all? So long as humility and learning exist, I find happiness in not only the actual journey but the process behind it.

"Be kinder to yourself. Try to do your best and know at the end of the day it is enough."

More Each Day.

Monday, October 17, 2011

My Hands.

It was less than a full year ago that a small callous caught my attention that rested just below my left hand ring finger from where a wedding ring once sat. I was newly separated and I looked at this callous, rough and seemingly permanent scar that I wanted to fix. I tried everything to quicken it's healing. I used pumice every day, scrubbing until I felt that I had no more skin left but then would look down and see that it was just as prominent as ever.

One day, I just decided that I would let it heal on it's own and in due time when it had had the time to heal, it would simply disappear on it's own. I put the pumice away and forgot about it completely.

Almost a year has gone by and I just happened to look down at my hand and have noticed today that it is completely gone. I could not help but feel a parallel to the skin on my hand and my actual life. In the beginning of my separation and with all of my life changes I was so focused on fixing my life and taking life on with such gusto to the point that it was too much. I mean, I needed to do that just to get the energy to get to the next step but around the time I decided to stop forcing the callous to heal on my timeline, I also decided along the way to let life just happen. And it did.

This past year I have learned more about who I am and how that fits in the world around me than any other time in my life. I have learned more about others and really seeing people for who they are and how they contribute to my life and community. I also learned that you never stop learning more about who you are, who others are, how everything fits together..and that is kinda beautiful.

So here I am, healed and balanced in a way that I don't think could have happened had I forced the process. I remember looking back at that time in my life and being unable to picture what this would feel like to be in the next phase in my new journey..and it has finally arrived. I am healed.

My Hands.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Break The Door Down.

We all get to a place where we are just standing there, in front of a door that is closed. We know that what is on the other side is what we want and where we want to be. So now what?

Well, depending on your personality..some of us will knock politely, not wanting to come in uninvited. Some of us will search our pockets for a possible key we might have, feeling that getting ourselves in the door and problem solving is the best way. Some of us will just look blankly at the door and get discouraged that there is a door there in the first place that was put in our way and feel discouraged that there is no way to get to the destination we desire. Others..others break down the door. They kick it in. Nothing and no one can get in the way of their determination to reach their goal and destination.

Now, I know that we can all relate to one of those scenarios..I know I do. I tend to attempt to kick the door down and then realize that I was not wearing the right shoes and then just stare at the door blankly. That will not only prevent me from getting through the door but it also will only discourage me.

So, what am I learning? I like the passion of breaking the door down..not so much in  a realistic way. Lord knows I would be the last person to literally kick a door down, I can barely kill a spider with my flip flop without getting scared and then feeling bad for the spider. However, I like the drive and determination behind the idea of breaking the door down.

Think of the ambition, passion and adrenaline it takes to move with that much force! Now, that is a way to live and get where you need to..but with one thought..breaking down doors can not be done just by emotion alone. If you want to be successful and look back on how you got through the door with satisfaction, you would have needed to strategize and really planned.

Who says you need to break a door down with a kick or by leaving a path of destruction? You could look at the mechanism of the lock, how the door knob was constructed..you could take careful consideration on how to break it down in a way that you could easily put it back together. This not only takes focus, drive and determination but also patience and balancing emotion with logic.

So this is how I want to live my life..when I am at a door, I want to integrate all of the possibilities..knock, look for a key and if it still is not opened to me..break it down in a way that is careful and precise, almost showing respect to the door in my way. At the end of the day, I will be on the other side..and I will have learned a lot through crossing the threshold. I am going to break down doors. Are you?

Break The Door Down.

Friday, October 7, 2011

This Day.

Today, on my Birthday I am taking in where I am in my life, where I have been and where I am going. I can honestly say that for the first time in years, I am content. That is, I feel going to be the theme of this year. As the past year has definitely brought about change..in fact this has been quite a year..a divorce in the works, moving out, changing my entire lifestyle and relationship with food and how I relate to animals by adopting a vegan and cruelty-free lifestyle..just so much has changed and while it would be all too easy to be overwhelmed by the events and changes in my life..I am content.

That is a blessing in itself. The gift of contentment is not something I take for granted. So this year, I will ride this wave of contentment and see where it takes me. This is the year that I will love my life. This is the year where I will love myself..quirks, flaws, talents, challenges..the whole package. This is the year where I will swear off calorie counting, I will swear off pressuring myself out of accepting myself, I will swear off the fear of saying yes and letting go. This year..is about love, acceptance, contentment and finding fulfillment in the little things.

I look back in gratitude for the things I've learned, the places I've been and the people I have shared my life with. I look at today with happiness..so much so that if today were my last day on Earth I would be content and feel as if I lived a full and abundant life filled with all I could ever have dreamt of. I look to the future with hope and dreams..for all of the things that I have yet to experience, all of the people I have yet to meet and the journey that is before me.

This Day.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Who are you versus who you want to be? We all have who we are in this moment. The way we look, the way we work, the way we relate to people and the world around us. That is who we are, that is the reality of us. Then we have where we want to be. Where we want to be will always exist but are we concentrating so much on where we want to be that we let that cloud the moment of where we are in reality today?

So many times, living with the hope of an ideal can make it so that in the moment right now you do not enjoy, experience, learn, grow and take away everything that you need. How you experience, relate, respond and engage in your life today is what will make your experience.

The future is always something to strive towards, the elevation of yourself is always something to believe in..so long as you are taking you, in the raw form that you are and experiencing, accepting and living your life to the fullest that you can provide yourself and others in this day.