Monday, November 28, 2011

Getting Angry Doesn't Solve Anything.

Get mad..get so mad that you can barely see straight. It is far too easy and far too natural to feel that anger flair up within you when you have been the victim of injustice. It's human and necessary. To have a martyr moment of "Why me?'s" is an important step in moving forward and growing. We all deserve that..but then, once we get our moment of wallowing in is up to us to take the next step forward.

If I have learned anything over the last few months, it is that people and situations are variables in your life. Sometimes the people around you make choices that will enhance your life..sometimes they make choices that will hurt you. At the end of the day, you are not a variable in your own life. You have the ability, control and power to be solid and constant for yourself.

So yes, am I I feel anger for the people that have graced my life the past few months that indeed proved to be variable and not have my best interests in mind? Of course..but I can't stay in that place for's never been in my nature to. So here I am..a smile on my face despite myself...for myself. Keep ever learning, ever moving, ever loving, ever trusting, ever giving..

Getting Angry Doesn't Solve Anything.

Thursday, November 24, 2011


Gratitude. Thankfulness..the words and emotions surround us today. It's kind of amazing that you can have one day to connect with your family, community and yourself.

So much has changed in my life since last Thanksgiving. I was not separated yet from my marriage, I was living in a different place and what is so strange to me is that I feel as if that was so many years ago sitting where I am now. A completely different person, living a life now that feels so incredibly right to me.

I am truly filled with so much gratitude for each day that I have experienced this year. From the mundane to the painful, the lonely to the loved, the happiness to the disappointments. I am grateful for it all.

So this Thanksgiving, I celebrate today. I celebrate yesterday and tomorrow as well but for this exact moment in time..I simply celebrate today. This exact place. Because it is beautiful.


Thursday, November 17, 2011

I'm Not Afraid.

If fear is all that we should fear, then what are we so afraid of? We have all heard multiple adaptations of the old adage that there is nothing to fear but fear itself and yet nonetheless, fear is still very tangible. Very real. I am learning over the past month the true value behind crossing the threshold of fear and into new experiences despite my nervousness or apprehensions.

This past month, I have taken leaps and steps that otherwise earlier I would not have taken. When I seclude the things that have always held me truly comes down to one thing. A fear of the unknown or intangible. When you are uncertain of the outcome or even do not entirely trust it, it is all too easy to say no or avoid the entire situation. So this month, I decided to look fear and uncertainty in the eye and move forward. At times, it did not work in my favor..other times, it taught me life lessons often at my own expense..and then there were moments where it truly enhanced my life.

So what are you afraid of? What holds you back to explore, learn and grow? Pain, hurt, all can be healed. There truly is nothing to fear in fear. Look and face your fears, cross that threshold and for better or worse experience what is on the other side.

I'm Not Afraid.

Monday, November 7, 2011

When We Do What We Do.

Each step, each glance, each word..there is something deeper than our consciousness that drives who we are naturally. It drives everything we do. There are layers within us..some like a knee-jerk reaction that just comes out as if it is ingrained in every fiber of who we are as people. A lifetime of nature versus nurture coming out as easily as breathing. Another layer that is more taught..a layer that is inspired by the world around us, our conscious self, who we want to be and how we want to contribute in this world.

I am at a place in my life..a turning point really, where I am trying to merge the two layers together. It is so much easier said than done. It seems that this season, I am being handed lessons on a platter..some new, some redundant but all uncomfortable, confusing and at times even deflating. After each scenario however I am given this gift if I so choose to take it and that gift is seeing myself, my subconscious layer in a way that I am not proud of.

It is one thing to write of inspiration, to meditate of ideals and entirely a different thing to action them. As the world puts new distractions, road blocks, new is easy to stop working at the who you were meant to be, the one you want to be and go to auto pilot, letting your subconscious self take over.

It is these moments when you learn the most not only about yourself, but the people around you and the world around you..and how you fit in to it.

It seems that this month in particular was designed to teach me composure in the face of adversity. From the challenges at work, my romantic relationships, social is clear that this is a time designed to learn and grow if I stop and am honest within myself to what I can learn or do differently.

Why do we all do what we do? Why do we look at the world with a certain glance? Why do we say certain things? The things that we do that make us amazing people, the choices we make that impact ourselves and the world around us in a beautiful way..that is something we must celebrate and do more of. The shortcomings that we all have, the things that take away from ourselves and the world around us..we must never stop facing them and working to change, to try a new way. Think of what motivates you positively and negatively. Never give up the growing. Never stop celebrating and working.

When We Do What We Do.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

We Make It.

I am officially stepping into the modern world of a single woman with full force. What's different this time around the bend? Well..first of all..the last time I was really truly single, I was 22..therefore..a dumb ass by default. I mean, how seriously could I have taken myself back then?

My girlfriends and I would get tarted up in the most obnoxious shiny club gear..looking like $10 whores..not quite $5 but certainly not $15 either. Meeting the most ridiculous boys that scammed around Orange County..tribal tattoos were the thing back then and though Ed Hardy did not quite exist, the douche bag look was in full force still. It was a different time, I was a different age and none of us really knew who we were yet.

Now, after having dated a little in the past year..I am ready finally to actively seek someone to share my journey with. Earlier this year, I took a backseat to dating..really trying on the "Don't look..let it find you'' mentality but that was not getting me the best results. What was finding me was not necessarily a match.

So, I decided to really be an active participant to my romantic destiny and get myself out there. I joined this past week and let me tell you..if you have never online would make your head spin! If you have online know the drill there and keeping up with your profile is like a full time job!

So they have ways that suitors can express interest in you and you can express interest in them in turn. It is called "winking" but instead of getting to physically wink, you click a button. I just want to let you know that Jane Austin just rolled over in her grave at what I just wrote..but I can assure Jane, romance is not has just changed. A lot.

In this week..I think I have learned more about myself than my suitors. I have learned that you really do need to be an active participant in your own life. As a single woman, if I feel a compatibility with someone, I need to actively engage with them and not just sit back at home in my PJ's and comfort zone but get out there! Love can't find me if I don't get out there! I also learned that if there is not a compatibility, it is okay to be honest about that because above all else, finding love is not about just love but really finding someone that is your match in every sense of the word.

So, despite this not being my style..preferring the old fashioned ways to meet, be courted and fall in love..I mean, I always have my head in some 1800's romance novel..but I have come to not only terms but have hope and optimism that if you seek it..with an open heart and balanced will find you.

We make it.