I woke up a few days ago and turned to look at my puppies happily snuggled into me. It was just around 9am and my ex that I have been separated from this past year, in whom I share a home with still though we live in separate quarters was due home that morning after being out of town for the week.
Many of you know our story and if this is new to you, allow me to cliff notes you. My Husband and I separated last year. No one did wrong, no one was hurtful or rude. It was simply me. I needed to be on my own, to grow as an individual and really find myself and have the leg room to do so. Over the past year, I did exactly that and with integrity. We remained friends and planned to finalize our Divorce end of January when the lease on our condo was over so that it would be an easy and clean break.
So as I noticed he was not home for the first time really in over a year I was kinda disappointed. I let that go as I moved forward with my morning like it was any other morning. I had plans, and actually a date to get ready for that evening. Once he arrived home, I was happy to see him. We joked and caught up as we always did. I told him about my date that evening and we just talked like old friends. Then, I brought up that I wanted to file the last of our Divorce paperwork on my next day off in the next few days really thinking of the prospect of my date. I was happy and fine with it all and we both started to move on with our days.
At once, our of nowhere it hit me and literally took my breath away. This loud voice within me saying "You're wrong. You're making the wrong choice and you know it.Fix this."...over and over and over. I could not even comprehend it in the moment. As a few minutes passed, I began to see clearly and process what was happening.
I needed this year. I needed to come into my own. I wouldn't take back this year for anything only because it made me grow up and become a better person. At that moment though, it was the moment that I realized that I had come full circle from where I began and that I had been searching the last few months to date and settle down with someone where I had that right here in him. He was what I wanted, he was my life, my family, this was our family..our home. I needed to fix this and I needed to fix this before it was too late.
I contacted him right then, we spoke about everything openly and with compassion and support for one another like we always have.
So here we are..back together. Working on us..when in reality..it is not much work at all because we love each other.We are Ethan and Christina..Christina and Ethan. I'm home..I guess I just needed to leave home for a bit so I could really understand where home is.
So I thank everyone in my life from my family, coworkers, the friends around me..even the people I dated who all were there for me in this process. You helped me find me, you all helped me find home. You helped me find happiness.